Chocolate

I am ALMOST done with an actual post, but I keep falling asleep at night before I can finish. So, until I get back to the computer tomorrow, here are two quick things I think you should know:

1)You should most DEFINITELY join the Godiva Rewards Club. It is free to join. I knew among the benefits of being a card-holder was a free piece of chocolate every month. And since we have stores in a few of the malls I frequent, I thought this could be kind of cool. Still, I figured it meant that they would dictate what kind of candy I got. Read: whatever seasonal/unpopular flavor is tied to a certain month is what gets handed to you.

But I was wrong!

When I went into the store last week during a family shopping extravaganza, I told the clerk that I was using my rewards card. I figured she'd dump a pumpkin truffle into a bag and call it good. She just stared at me, waiting, so I thought I mightn't look so cheap (ha ha) if I actually purchased a single piece of candy. So I asked her for a mint medallion (which isn't what I wanted at all, but since it was just a cover, I was going for inexpensive). She picked it up, swiped my card, and said, 'you're good to go.'

And that was when it hit me: I could have asked for ANY PIECE OF CANDY. It sort of broke my heart that I'd wasted my inaugural piece on a mint medallion. I mean, there are hazelnut oysters to be had! But still, I couldn't get over how cool it was.

"Chris, I can walk into Godiva once a month and get whatever kind of candy I want. For free.' Since each truffle runs at least a few bucks, and since all I ever want is one anyway, I thought this was really something.

And now I've written five paragraphs about it, which is something else entirely. And my mom is going to tell me I'm crazy for writing a page about chocolate when I could've used this time to finish a meaningful post.

Still. It's kind of cool and you're kind of glad you know...right? ;)

Godiva has some smart marketing people at work. Though maybe it's not that smart if I never do anything but take free candy. Will they kick me out of the club? Chris thinks its likely.

Have you joined yet? Chocolate awaits!

*I am not getting kick-backs from them. I just have a 'not-so-easily-suppressed' QVC saleswoman at my core.

And the other thing:
My baby is TWO! She was so cute on her birthday. OH, she was so cute. When Chris went to get her out of her crib that morning, the first thing she said was, 'BIRTHDAY!' Amazing how they remember. We had cupcakes and presents with family(someday I will be organized enough to do a friend birthday) and watched her expertly blow out her candles. (She'd been practicing all week. I'd be in the kitchen and hear her sing the whole happy birthday song to herself, then pretend to blow out fake candles. What's that they say about little pitchers?) It was a fabulous day and I just can't believe what a joy little E has been these past two years.

Here she is eating her cupcake. Surprisingly, she was very dainty about it!

Return to Me

Well, I suppose I should blog. I feel profoundly out of the habit, which was an unintentional move. Maybe it's hard to return to regularly scheduled programming after a post like my last one. The good news about my brother-in-law, is that we've received bits of news from the doctors to bolster our hope.

Since I didn't recap much of the summer, and since if I tell myself it has to be done in detail I may never blog again, I'll settle for this:
Beach (we covered that), work on the house, go to the Zoo, read, play with friends at the park, Family Reunion in SF, Family Reunion in Santa Cruz, work on the house (pretty much done on that front), go to the Zoo, play with friends at the park, read, go to Williamsburg, go BACK TO WORK! Try to figure out where the summer went. AHHHHH...feel so sad that I have to escape to NYC for a college reunion the very next weekend.

Come back. Try to re-establish a routine. Remember how much I wish I could figure out how to doctor without doing chart-work. Sort of like trying to figure out how to mother without changing diapers.
And suddenly, it's Fall. Time for that crispness that has me reaching for a light blanket, a s'more (actually, those are seasonless in this family) and caramel apple cider. Eva just wants to go to the 'pun-kin patch!'.
Phew.

Something about being away from work made it that much harder to go back, though I have enjoyed seeing my patients and co-workers again. And it was a relief to see that I still remembered how to doctor! Two months away felt like a long time gone.

I feel I should leave you with something more than just 'I'm back', so here are three fun little things:

1)My sister got a VitaMix. These expensive blenders really are amazing. If you're not familiar, they actually blend up all the fruit and vegetable together--we're talking industrial strength--instead of just extracting the juice. This is supposed to be much healthier. I actually believe it since my mom's green concoction, which was quite tasty, had me over the beginnings of a cold in a matter of hours! Trust me--I'm a doctor. Mary made one last night for an after dinner snack. How awesome is it that her boys think a spinach drink is a dessert smoothie!! ha ha! She offered some to E, who I wasn't sure would be interested. But she drank it right up! I think I know what I need for Christmas this year. My daughter! Drinking Spinach! And how is this for the cutest green mustache ever:



2)I just made this 'Boo' Sign and I LOVE it. The picture quality is terrible (can you even tell there is glitter on the black edges?), and the ghoulish lighting is courtesy of my dear hubbers who thought it added to the ambiance. If you are interested in the instructions, let me know! I found it online after seeing the demo in a local antique shop.



3)I saw this quote on another blog recently, and thought it was lovely:
"Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy." -Anne Frank

Happy Sabbath everyone!

Post-Edit:
For Lyndsey and anyone else who is interested, here is the link to the 'BOO' sign instructions. Enjoy!

Hope For All Things

I've been thinking about Hope a lot lately. It's funny how cancer will do that to you. My brother-in-law, Jonathan, has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. It is not the kind of news you ever expect to hear, but especially not about a 28 year old. It brings to mind that song lyric playing on today's radio stations, "I guess we're all one phone call from our knees."

Of course, in times of trouble, as in times of ease, I look to my faith. I sit and ponder what this means, where to find strength, what to hope for.

Hope can sometimes seem at first blush to be little more than wishful thinking. As one author put it, most of us use the word 'hope' as the verbal equivalent of crossing our fingers. i.e., I really 'hope' this officer lets me off with a warning. We talk as a family about how nice it is to have a doctor offer us some small sliver of hope. Countless well-wishers tell us that they 'hope' things go our way.

But as I ponder the scriptural sense of Hope, the one that we are commanded to have along with Faith and Charity, I wonder what it is that God is asking us to do. Surely He is not talking about just clinging to wishful thinking. Because, since life doesn't always turn out the way we want it to, where's the virtue and courage in that?

I finally read an article that clarified this for me. There is a scripture about how experience brings about hope (Romans 5:4). Why is that? Our past experience with God as a just and loving Being informs our ability to Hope that He will continue to be so. That no matter how things turn out, He will fulfill his promises and take care of us in the eternal sense. Hope, then, is a courageous determination to look to the future. A belief that no matter what the present, the future will hold what God has promised. And that is as joyous a thought as my mind can comprehend.

So, based on my experience, I know that I can place my Hope surely in several things.
I put my Hope in miracles, understanding that those miracles take many forms. Sometimes healing bodies, often healing hearts.
I put my Hope in eternal things, including families that can be bound together through sacred covenants.
I put my Hope in a loving Heavenly Father, who grants tender mercies to help us through the trials we encounter.
And, mostly, I put my Hope in Christ, who understands all things and abides with us during our darkest hours.

I ask for your prayers on behalf of Jonathan and our family as we navigate what lies ahead, grateful that we don't have to captain this ship ourselves.

God will take care of that.

Why God Made Sisters

I always knew my sister was a keeper. I idolized her from the start. There was the time when she slipped a diagram under our bedroom door, replete with a picture tutorial of how to escape my time-out via the bedroom windows. There was the time she let me ride bikes downtown with her to buy her latest pet and then let me take over care for said pet (hahaha!). There was the time she let me listen in to the recounting of her latest dating misadventures, even though I was only 12 but dying to be grown-up enough to hear . And there were the million other times she has screwed my head back on straight when I've started talking crazy. Growing up, I just wanted to be like her*. And now I just want to be with her, so it's a good thing we only live 20 minutes apart.

Yesterday we left our little ones in the capable hands of grandmas/nannies (with the exception of her nursing infant, who is so quiet, she doesn't really count) and headed out to Leesburg for the love of a good deal. We're both re-decorating right now, so we each had our wish list. And maybe it's the karma of sisters, but we both found just what we were looking for.
Somehow we managed to get it all into her mini-van (oh the wonder!):



We celebrated our spoils over lunch at Friday's. A sister knows that after you've both ordered your salads, and just as the server is walking away, it is the right thing to say, 'actually, can we get a side of fries with that?' Since I'd been thinking exactly the same thing, I added, 'with a side of ranch?' Perfection!
I could write a page long list about the things I love about my sister (beautiful! brilliant! spiritual! kind! funny! talented!), but as we talked, with the easiness and understanding that comes with a shared lifetime, blood and history, I realized that the heart of the matter is this:

God made sisters because He knew there would be things that only He and she could understand.

And I'm so grateful He gave me one. Cause Heaven knows I couldn't do it without her.



*the wanting to be like her thing hasn't ended.

Post-Script: If God is especially kind, He will also send you amazing sisters through marriage. Lucky, lucky me!

Stream of Consciousness Re: My New Life

I sat here and tried to think of what to say. Chris said, 'you could blog about unpacking boxes.' 'You can't blog about that.' 'Well, then you could always just do that.' HA HA HA! I've been telling him that I'll unpack the bookcases for a few days now--seems like the least I could do. Once the basic, needs-to-be-done-to-function unpacking was done, my pace slowed. My intentions are solid gold, but my schedule is jam-packed. What with blueberry picking, afternoon naps, visits to the container store, and chasing a toddler around the yard, I'm trying to figure how I ever had time to go to work, let alone do anything around the house. Now that boards are behind me (three cheers!), I am finally relaxing into this new schedule (which is off completely until Labor Day, then part-time). Since it's the first time I've had this schedule stretching out in front of me since E was born (maternity leave was not relaxing), I'm sort of giving myself permission to be less productive than I would be normally. For a few days, anyway.

But I did unpack some (okay, three) books today.

It's taking some time, because more than boxes, I just feel like I am un-packing my life.

I am not used to having totally unstructured days. I am not used to having more than a few hours at night to get things done. I am not used to life without my routines and my schedule (as decided by others). And the possibilities of this are rather paralyzing. What first? And when? With who? What makes the cut? I feel an accountability to this newfound flexibility/freedom. My brain looks like this: Blogging? Creative Writing? Napping with E? Stickers? Organizing? Reading 'Fancy Nancy'? Running though the sprinklers? Reading the paper? Ordering window Treatments? Journaling? Signing up for dance classes again? Cooking Dinner? Doing Laundry (what is THAT?)?
It's a little bit of chaos right now, but I'm enjoying the mess.
Things will settle, and when all is said and done, we'll have a new normal.

some observations and recent happenings:
1)Realizing that I now have time to take over some of the domestic responsibilities that my uncomplaining husband and Nanny have taken care of is, well, taking some time. I think, "Oh. Right. Guess I have time for that now? Darn!!" Certain things are not so bad. For example, I'll enjoy more time to cook. But no one looks forward to dusting and such.
2)My brother's gorgeous wife brought Little Olivia into the world. She is perfection--a miracle--and I cried when, after texting me throughout her labor, my brother told me the little darling was here.
3)The Outer Banks were especially kind to us this year. Quiet. And Kind. It was just my wonderful in-laws (who can take most of the credit for the amount of our house that IS put away) and us. E was endlessly entertained on the beach by her 'gampa' who can make her laugh to the point of hiccups at the drop of a hat. That meant that Chris and I actually got to sit back and enjoy the waves/read. The whole week was one of my favorite beach weeks ever.
4)Being with Eva so much is hands down the best part of this transition. I find her utterly bewitching, and feel privileged to witness more of her daily moments. She, as well, seems endlessly pleased by our new arrangement.

So, what can I say? It's all a work in progress right now. I'll keep you posted!

Eva loves the Ocean, but this is definitely her favorite vantage point:


This is what she does if you try to put her down in the ocean:


Look at that face!


Glamour Puss:


Happy Together:


See what I mean?:


She is in one continual state of playing with my hair:


Those curls!

I AM...

...DONE.

Finished.

Complete.

To the End of the (training) Road.

No one can ever take that away from me.

And it feels so good. :)

Pockets

I know I've been quiet on here lately. With multiple major life transitions all converging on the month of June, I just gave myself permission to totally slack. In this respect, anyway.
It turns out that there are a myriad of i's to dot and t's to cross as residency comes to a close.
And it turns out that moving into a house (that we own!) takes a considerable amount of time and planning.
And it turns out that taking your last set of boards takes some effort.
And it turns out that I can still find time for 'So You Think You Can Dance.' Ha!

And with all the madness, I've been waiting for my thoughts to coalesce and make sense. Usually, I go about my day with thoughts swirling around. Suddenly, they come together in a flash-bang kind of way, and I go write them down. It hasn't happened recently.

So, yeah. I've been quiet.

But then the juices have started flowing as I've been sifting through the pieces of my life in the packing process. Oh the nostalgia!

Last night I finally decided to conquer my medical bags. Over the last several years, I have basically lived out of the pockets of my white coat. Trinkets, books, paper, drug company paraphanelia all weighed me down as I walked the halls of my hospitals. And every time I washed my coat, I would empty my pockets into a safeway bag. And when I put it all back, I usually selected only the important items to go back in. Which meant that I had scads of bags full of old medical junk/treasures. And I couldn't quite throw it all away. So I ended up with something like this:




And sorting through it proved an interesting walk down my medical lane.

I found this:


My very first pager from med school. It looks so old school, now, seeing as it is not a text pager. But it was my first one...the one which seemed impossibly cool at first blush...only to seem impossibly unbearable a thousand midnight interruptions later. It woke me up for transplants and sick babies and ER admissions. It introduced me to medical life. It sat on my hip through my first two years of life-changing, oft-terrifying, humbling hospital training. And now it sits unceremoniously among trinkets, like it never did anything very important at all. Dear Pager: I won't ever forget you.

And I found this:


I could still have free lunch at a hospital! But the thought of eating the same foods I lived on as an intern, appeals to me less than free food. And that's saying something.

This:


Cause even tired doctor's need sassy lipgloss?



And a way to make sure there's no lettuce in your teeth? Heaven knows every other bit of vanity goes straight out the window.

This:


My on-call notes. I have so many of these pages! Sometime illegible scrawlings with phone numbers to call back, symptoms to evaluate, and sometimes angry remarks at the unfairness of the on-call universe. This is practically my journal! My record of my labor! How do I throw this all away? (Don't worry, Mom, I did.)

This:


Parking passes for garages I'll never visit again.

This:


A list of vital signs looked up for our census of patient's during my surgical 'Acting Internship.' These were hard-won vitals signs, as I had to arise at 4-something to gather them. Isn't that worth something? This piece of paper is not a piece of paper. It is a badge of honor

This:


My notebooks of 'beginners pearls'. Little notes about important things I might want to remember. Tips from those who'd gone before. My first attempts to keep track of the seemingly endless line of facts to be learned. I think I'll want these when I'm 90.

This:


Cards of questions I'd written down...things to look up at a later date. And how amazing! I know all these answers now. In fact, they seem like second nature. So I think: I guess I'm really a doctor. Those index cards show me how far I've come.

And finally, this:


Okay, so she wasn't in a Safeway bag, but how lucky am I to have picked up this treasure during my medical training? I never dreamed I'd graduate Residency with the most joyful little girl at my side. And it was the greatest gift of all.

So here we are.

11 days from the end.

11 day from the beginning.