Bringing Something Else to the Table

My husband is in a constant state of productivity. Really, I could not be more serious about that. You have to keep your eye on that one: I turn around for a second and he's off to grout the shower or rake the leaves. Or organize the basement or hang up more pictures. Or pay the bills or fix the creaky door. You get the idea. It is a wonderful blessing in that I never have to nag him about anything. I wouldn't know what to nag about, since he does things before I even realize they need to be done. I have to be very specific with him when I want him to sit down and stare at the wall with me. It doesn't come naturally to him (though he obliges me as any good husband would).

So, this is not a complaint, you see. I am thrilled to have found someone who has such a vigorous work ethic. But it presents a different problem: it is enormously hard to live up to. I mean, knowing that it is not in my genes to be in such a constant state of motion, how will I ever feel like I'm carrying my weight? I know, I know, I worked so hard at medical training. And it's true. Most people seem to think this means I am immune to any kind of inertia. And that's not true. When left to my own devices, I do not have the internal drive that he does. It's amazing how I can wile away the hours and not have anything concrete to show for it. Constant attention to my 'to-do' list is not in my DNA (though it is easy to see that it is in his!) My attempts to contribute to the homefront always seem to pale in comparison to his. And sometimes I feel guilty about that.

Until my dear husband wrote me the sweetest birthday card upon my recent departure from my 20's (yes, it's true...I've joined the 30 club.) It turns out that he doesn't see it like that. Instead, he sees me as doing a different kind of work. Remember that book, "Frederick"? It's about a little mouse who looks sort of lazy because he is daydreaming while his cohorts are gathering food for the coming Winter. But really, he is gathering colors and stories that will keep them all entertained during the long, cold season. Chris wanted me to know that he sees the ways that I bring 'Frederick' type work to the table. I have never lacked for the ability to enjoy the moment, for imagination, for stories to tell, or random outbursts of song and dance. I've never struggled to sit with Eva and read, while leaving the breakfast dishes undone for a few hours. I am good at looking for the reward at the end of the chore or the treat to look forward to at the end of the day. I like surprises and spontaneity and joy. And, he wrote to me, this is why he loves me. He isn't keeping silent track of the times I don't organize my closet fast enough, or the times I don't get to the laundry before he does. He is enjoying the company we keep together. He sees that together, we have a productive and happy home. Without his perspective, I might only see my shortcomings. He's helped me to see that they can actually be strengths. Not all talents are easily checked off on a list. And if we were both always checking boxes, we might never stop to taste the chocolate (ha!).

We try to meet each other in the middle. He tries to be a little more Frederick* and I try to be a little more worker bee. And the result is a home that is a happy, imperfect, constantly-evolving place of joy for us.

So I guess it's our differences that makes us such a good team. And I guess that this 'Frederick' is pulling her weight after all. :)



*may you one day witness one of his spontaneous human beat-box displays. good stuff.
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And now for some pictures:

Eva rummaging through her birthday loot. Isn't that sweater dress just perfection? Oh, Target...let me count the ways...


Halloween had us dressed up as Daughtry, his groupie, and their butterfly fairy. Work with what you've got, that's what we always say.


"Pre" (Why does her smile look so mischievous?)


"Post"




Love this little face: