Shifting

My sister-in-law’s recent post about reviewing 2009 inspired me to take a look back at this most recent year. And when I did, I noticed that the end of my medical training had coincided nicely not only with the year I left my twenties, but the end of the decade. And as I considered this, it occurred to me that the whole decade had a theme. Quite simply, in almost every way, it was ‘the decade I became a doctor.’

I look back and I see how much the pursuit of this goal shaped almost everything I did in the last ten years. It shaped the relationships I did and did not enter into (thank goodness). It affected which vacations I was available to take. It guided where I moved and with whom I lived. It altered my hobbies and how I approached my college education. It deepened my friendships. It moved my faith and made it stronger. It gave me confidence to live outside the box. It required sacrifice from my loved ones. It changed when I thought I’d want to start a family, and then when that timing was different than expected, it changed how I mothered and how I experienced motherhood. It limited my ways to serve in some capacities, but opened endless abilities to help in others. And mostly, it just felt right and guided, which is all I can really ask for my life. This journey seeped into most of my waking moments (of which there were too many!) and followed me like a mostly welcome shadow.

And now it is over. And I am a doctor. And thirty. Aside from my wistfulness over the softening of the skin around my eyes, there isn’t room for regret over this milestone (Hollywood’s obsession with youth, be darned!). But I do feel a shift happening inside of me.

It is a subtle shift in my thoughts, in my goals, and in how I seek/am able to spend my time now. I feel nesting instincts in my soul. A pull to focus more on family. My twenties were for my MD. My thirties should be for the little guys. Of course doctoring is a big part of my life. And I want to continue to learn, serve and grow in this capacity. I don’t have any idea where this will take me professionally, but I am content to be present and let it unfold.

But as I continue to raise my precious daughter with Chris (and expect the arrival of a son in just three months!), my (our) focus will be on them. I feel the weight of responsibility to teach these little people about Gospel truths. I feel the weight of responsibility to protect them from a destructive media culture that preys upon girls especially. I yearn to be wrapped up as much as possible in the joys of family. And I feel the desire to build a safe haven for my children at home, so that they can have a secure place to head out into the world from.

The world sometimes has different ideas about what’s important and from where satisfaction is to be gained . Sometimes I’ll read about a career opportunity and the siren song of success will tug at my heart. In the trenches of medical training, it is easy to fall in love with the admiration and the professional strokes that come from working the hardest or sacrificing the most for your profession. It doesn’t take long for me to silence that siren song these days, though. Instead, I am happy to be the best doctor I can be for my patients and quietly soak in compliments like this one, “Judging from your bedside manner, I bet you’re a great mom.” I should assure them that there’s probably no connection, but I smile and think , “I hope so.” It’s what I aim to be in my own imperfect way.

So, here’s to the next ten. And to all those who are fighting the good fight on the homefront.

It’s the most worthy endeavor of all.
-------------------------------------


My homefront:


E sitting with my Dad, re-visiting my childhood happy place:


Less Work, More Aquariums:


And Parks:


A classic mommy moment: "Don't play with daddy's glasses! But don't take them off until I get a picture!"