The Things That Will Change

Last week, E and I treated ourselves to dinner out.

Chris was still en route home from a business trip, the AC was out, and the thermostate read 91 degrees outside/84 degrees inside.

Yup, time to go out for dinner.

She declared that 'Pizza!' would hit the spot, and I was happy to oblige. (Normally she askes for 'gnocchi!', which is her favorite pasta dish at a local Italian place. I get an enormous kick out of my daughter asking for gnocchi'.) We packed up my mercifully light diaper bag and headed to one of our favorite pizza joints.

"Table for two", I said. Because she's really her own little person these days. She's not a 1/2 person, the way she sorta was when she was a baby in a car seat.

We were seated at our small table, and she chose the chair side instead of the booth side. We ordered a cheese pizza to split, and waited.

"I want my food, mommy."

"I know, sweetie, but they have to make it first." She seemed satisfied with my answer.

Then she took her styrofoam cup with a cover and asked if she could put her straw into every spot except for the one where it was supposed to go. She knew how silly she was being. She watched our fellow diners, declared that she did not like the waiter serving a neighboring table (E, Shhhh!), and played with one of her princess figurines.

Our pizza arrived, and she only protested a little when I told her it needed to cool. It did, and she ate up her little piece. No spills!

We paid our bill, and then we left.

And that, my friends, is what is about to change.

I am acutely aware of all the things that will be different with two little people in tow. One of my friends (mother of 3.5) says that normally people don't realize how easy one child is until they have two. But I do realize it. And so, I am treasuring every one of these moments. The ones where I can take my little buddy, and just enjoy a quiet little dinner out. The ones where I can enjoy having a toddler who actually sits in her chair all through dinner (generally not the strong suit of little boys). The ones where I can spontaneously plan our day around only one set of nap-time needs.

It's bittersweet, you know, this expecting a second child business.

But then I think, gee, if my mom had stopped after one kid, she'd be missing out on me! Ha! Or more importantly: on my two amazing little brothers.

And I think about how my siblings are one of the greatest joys of my life.

And I see how sweet it is when E kisses her little cousin Hazel and comforts her (and try not to think about the times she is less tender!).

And I get more and more excited to meet this little guy who's birth will start a new chapter for our growing family.

Sure, it will require more of my time and heart to parent another little person. But then, has the point ever been to be more about me? And haven't I learned by now that giving more, loving more, sacrificing more has opened up the greatest joys and deepest satisfactions of my life?

I got the biggest reassurance this last Sunday while sitting in Church. E was sitting on my lap (which has become harder and harder for her to do), just listening to the speaker. The sun was shining, Chris was sitting next to me, and nothing extraordinary was happening at all. But as I just held my daughter--my daughter--my soul fairly buzzed with the delight of loving her. Oh, the depth of my loving! It is an emotion I never could have imagined.

And I know I will feel that again for another little person. This is something totally miraculous and worth any inconveniences I will have to pay at the alter of baby-hood.

So, when people ask if we are ready, I think: 'Sure!" Whatever 'ready' means when you can't predict at all what will be coming. But we are excited to move on to the next great adventure. And ready for the love that that adventure holds.